This blog has been a long time coming... my brother, my Dada, would be (is?) almost 34 now... and I have been wanting to write about him for a while now, but unlike my far more talented parents and cousins, I am not good at this. This blog, I think, will take the pressure off me though, because it won't be "my" blog... with some help from family and friends, I hope it will be a forum where people who knew Aditya (Bozo) will talk/write about him, share their memories of him, good, bad, funny... and even if not many people come across it, I want to be able to just put down my thoughts, about life with him, life without him... I want to be able to remember him, however corny that may sound.
Why now? I decided to finally stop procrastinating, as simple as that, I guess. It's been almost 13 years now, and I have moved around so much I hardly ever meet (nor am I in touch with) people who knew him too, apart from family of course. And even rarer are the occasions when a bunch of us (family or friends) are together and actually talk about him. Which is fair enough of course, it has been 13 years after all, and to be honest I rarely think about talking about him myself.
In fact, hardly any of my friends/colleagues here even know I had a brother. And that is because of the conscious choice I make when asked the usual "do you have any siblings" question, in order to avoid the awkward silences and the obvious discomfort caused by the "whole" truth. And I am fine with the simple "no" that I respond with, except that I cannot help but cringe everytime I get the inevitable "you must have been spoilt being an only child" comments. I bite my tongue though, and let them pass, sometimes with a "hah, you didn't know my mother!" (no, not really, Ma, I just think it ;-))
But then there are times when you do want to talk about him, this incredibly smart and funny clown of a brother that you had, who loved you completely and unconditionally, who could be overly protective but was always unduly proud of your smallest of achievements, who just died without any warning before his 21st birthday and what do you do then? And then of course there are times that you want to talk TO him and those just catch you completely unawares and what do you do then? Well apparently after 13 years, you start a blog :-)
Enough of this mushy business... let's get this blog started.
I shot a smile into the air, It came to earth I knew not where. Perhaps on someone else's face, In some forgotten, quiet place. - Michael Leunig
well done emmmmm......truly key initiative......i could post a few too......tons of photos and stories....
ReplyDeleteAwesome... You have no idea how much that means to me. Look forward to your posts. >:d<
ReplyDeleteIt was wonderful to read about Bozo. I remember him so well during our Dunlop days. Such a lively child, full of exuberance and wit.We miss him too. Mini you were quite a sweet child too, not at all an ugly baby as you think.
ReplyDeleteHello my IT-savvy Kaki :) Opu very sweetly messaged on Orkut and said he loved the blog but didn't know how to leave a comment, and here you are, ruling Orkut as well as the blog scene!!!
ReplyDeleteYes the Dunlop days were awesome. Even though we moved to Rajasthan early on, the memories from those days are still fresh in my mind thanks to all the re-telling of stories everytime we visit Calcutta!
And thank you for saying I wasn't an ugly baby, but until I get photographic proof I might stick with my version :)
Mini, all I can say is, HATS OFF TO YOU!
ReplyDeleteYou've gone ahead and done something I've wanted to for years, but was too much of a coward to do. I know how much courage it took for you to get down to it and I so admire you. YOU ARE MY HERO!
And also a BIG THANK YOU, my precious! This is exactly what I needed, especially at this time of year, which is always so bad. It's so wonderful to be able to talk about him, knowing that people who knew him and loved him are 'listening'.
Your response to people's query about siblings is exactly like your Ba's. "No," he says, "We have just the one child." When I'm with him, I go along with that. But if he's not around, I say to "How many kids do you have?" "I have two, a boy and a girl." Ofttimes, people will let it go at that, and I'm safe. Or I quickly change the subject! (Have become pretty adept at that!) But sometimes they're interested enough to want to know what my kids are doing. I say, very matter-of-factly, "My son died some years ago and my daughter's working in Australia."
And then, depending on how much I like the person I'm speaking to, I either allow the conversation to dwell on Bozo, or nonchalantly steer it away from him ...
But then, it's just our - your, Ba and my - different ways of dealing with it, isn't it? I don't suppose there is a right or wrong way...
And yes, I do believe he WILL BE 34 this year. As long as we remember him, think about him and talk about him, he is alive.
For me, he is still around! Denial, would you say? Maybe, but how else am I to keep from going mad? (Heh, Heh! I know you have a retort to THAT!!!!! ;-))) Just as Aravind is in Madras, and Arijit and Pidda are in the States, Ritu Raj, last I heard in the U.K., and Prosty and all his other wonderful friends scattered all over the world...I know I've begun to ramble, but you know what I mean, right? You always do anyway, even when I myself don't know what I mean!!
Keep this up, Mini, as long as you want to! You can be assured of at least one -your biggest - fan:
You Ma Who Loves You So
Ma - You are hardly a coward, not when it comes to this anyway, so shush! :) But I am glad you like it, and also happy that you have commented (on every single post!!!)... hope to see some posts of your own, when you are ready. I know how much you would like to talk about him but rarely get to do that, so here's your chance.
ReplyDeleteMinididi, I completely agree with Mami that the amount of courage it required for you to come up with this blog...so HATS OFF TO YOU!!I am feeling really nice that there is a forum where we can share our memories( i hate to use this word here) and thoughts on Bozo Dada, whom we all remember so fondly.
ReplyDeleteI never got to understand how u, or darimama or mami tried to overcome such a great loss. Could never ask any of you or be of any help in this regard, as I always thought bringing up the name BozoDada will bring back the grief which you are trying to overcome everyday. So, this blog atleast gives me the opportunity to be of some help to you or darimama or mami...so what if it is after 13 years....
and Mami dont you ever say you re a coward...never ever..none of us can understand what it takes to fight with this kind of situation...
I hope Darimama writes too and we can all share our fond remembrances of Bozo dada....
Mala - That was so sweet. Really. What made you think we wouldn't want to talk about Dada, though... Ma loves talking about him and so do I, it's just that it has to come naturally, right? Baba likes to keep his feelings to himself as a rule, but even he drops a "silly-ass" comment every now and again :)
ReplyDeleteAnd as for helping us, you do that by just being part of the family and our lives. I for one am very proud of you and especially so of the fact that you are doing your PhD, something I would never dream of trying!
But yes, the blog was a good idea, I think. Am looking forward to your posts. I can see you've added BB too :)
Hey, Mala, I know I commented on your post. Dunno what happened to it. Do you think it got jinxed for some reason?
ReplyDeleteMini has said exactly what I'd tried to. Just being with you and Bibi is always such a joy. Well, also because you are YOU, but also because I see so much of Bozo in you! You are, and will always be, a part of our life with him. When you are around, he's around. Can you understand that, or am I making no sense? (Well, ok, ok, I know the quip you're about to make about my making no sense!*^#*@#)
So please don't think you are of no help.
You help IMMENSELY.
Love you, Mami
Hi,
ReplyDeleteThis is vidya sutar.
Deb mam taught me english at K v Karanja
vidya
Hello Mini,
ReplyDeleteI remember Aditya very well. I was senior to him in BITS. We were in the same wing and I have a few cherished memories of Aditya. How I discovered this blog is another story. I am active on facebook, got linked to Murali and recalled about Aditya. Googled his name and the rest is history. It is really commendable that you are doing this and I hope to add to this over the coming days. He will never be forgotten.
Regards
Pushkar Nath Sen
PS: I have a 3 yr old son and we have named him Jaiaditya. Coincidence !?!
Hello, Pushkar,
ReplyDeleteCall it fate, call it what you will! Just today I logged in and decided to go through all these posts. Am feeling somewhat blue, for no real reason.
It's strange, your post is dated 13th December, 2008. You must be in a time-zone ahead of us in Mozambique, for we're still on the 12th.
Am sitting here with mouth open, gaping. Talk of Providence! I do believe everything happens for a reason and am so glad you decided to post a comment.
Please do keep coming back. It means a lot.
And thanks, ...
Hello Mrs. Deb,
ReplyDeleteI am based in Stuttgart, Germany. Not sure why it said 13th coz it is 12th here. Must be due to the blog owner settings. In any case, it does not matter.
I can understand your sentiments. Aditya was a gem of a person and whoever knew him, loved and respected him. His loss was felt by one and all and we grieved in our own private ways. May his soul rest in peace.
he had a unique way of walking. In BITS, we used to wear rubber slippers and whenever he walked past my room, even though my door was closed, I knew it was him from his shuffle. We had a joke about this - if memory serves me right, his sun sign was Taurus (like mine) and we agreed that a Taurean characteristic was that they are a bit stubborn and stubborn people drag their feet when they walk.
I also recall borrowing his cycle on many an occasion to go to connaught for a quick bite and he was ever obliging.
More later.
Pushkar
Pushkar, it's wonderful to hear anecdotes about my son! We can never get too much of this kind of talk! :-)
ReplyDeleteThat bike, as you must know, was his pride and joy! I could be wrong, but I think we gave to Aravind when we came down to collect his things, ...
Dear Mrs. Deb,
ReplyDeleteI finally figured out the date issue. This post is run by Mini who is based in Australia. So all posts to this blog are automatically converted to local date and time. My number is +49 173 3094532. Will post more as I recollect.
Regards
Pushkar